Tag: novel

Through the Valley of the Shadow of Porn

Burn My Shadow opens in the back of a bukakke line, amid unanimous souls stripped down and wading through the scum of other men’s spilt fantasies. This is where “Tyler Knight” was born. Jobless and homeless, he spent his nights lost in mass transit, on buses and trains circling Los Angeles. Hitting the end of the line,…




Adventures in Virginity: Raiders of the Lost Vagina

My brother and I loved playing with Barbies. Our formula for fun followed three simple steps. 1.) Undress Barbie. 2.) Rip off Barbie’s head. 3.) Position headless-naked-Barbie in compromising positions throughout her Dream House. When we were particularly motivated, or desperate for arcade money, we’d leave my sister a Polaroid of Barbie tied up along with…




Adventures in Virginity: The Mongoloid and Me

I hit my physical prime at age one. I was ridiculously cute. This is a historical fact backed up by thousands of eyewitness accounts. I could have had an illustrious career as a couture diaper model. My older brother, Mike, did not share my neonatal sex appeal. He had coke-bottle glasses and a huge mongoloid head….




Adventures in Virginity: Not with a Bang, but a Whimper

I marked the day I was scheduled to lose my virginity on the calendar—October 28, 2002. The square was annotated with a caricature of a mustachioed penis flexing his veiny biceps. I drew the doodle in June when I first used the date to defer Kim’s advances. I promised her that she could take my…




Adventures in Virginity: My Short Career as a Discount Stripper

My brother handed me the T-bag G-string he had picked out for me from the adult store, Dreamers. I turned it over, wondering how this thin, animal-print spandex could possibly contain my modest holdings. Mike and I took turns primping in the bathroom: lathering, shaving, and applying unwarranted amounts of lotion and cologne. Then we…




Adventures in Virginity: Bedding my Brother’s Girlfriend

My morning boner imposed itself on my brother’s girlfriend, Lindsay. A gallon jug of Carlo Rossi wine sat toppled on the carpet amid piles of scattered clothes. Our bodies lay mashed together in the crevice at the center of my twin mattress. Actually, the mattress was technically my brother’s before I confiscated it from my parent’s…




Adventures in Virginity: Old Men Without Women

This was not a student-teacher affair. First of all, I was a former student. And second of all, our friendship was not sexual. Walter and I simply enjoyed each other’s company. Sure on some level I wanted him to like me, to see something special in me, but mainly I just wanted him to think…




Adventures in Virginity: Grand Marshal of the Penis Parade

When you step outside, naked, the silence hits you first. Such a grand gesture seems to demand the pomp of a marching band, or at least some scattered applause. Instead you are confronted by the stillness of life continuing on as usual, unimpressed. That silence no longer surprised me. What shook me that night was…




Adventures in Virginity: Getting the Lucky End of the Mop

I yanked off my underwear like a Band-Aid and covered myself with an undersized gym towel. Laughter cackled out of the shower-room mixed with clouds of steam and the roar of water. This would be a rowdy crowd, not to mention the biggest audience my penis had ever appeared before. Two days earlier my merrymaker…




The Wolf of Porn Valley

Pornos are bawdy fairytales for the modern world. These lewd folktales use real sex to portray fantasies. As such, porn inhabits a peculiar space between truth and fiction. This twilight realm provides the setting for the second novel by Christopher Zeischegg (AKA retired porn performer Danny Wylde): The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space….