Tag: masturbation

XBIZ: Transcending Sex on ‘jessica drake is Wicked’

…In a modern context, the concept of “natural beauty” is meaningless. We’re all androids, augmenting ourselves through technology. Hair extensions, acrylic nails, spray tans, implants, and makeup are all staples of the beauty industry. Men too artificially enhance their masculinity with supplements, steroids, weights, and acne medicine. Even technologies as simple as toothbrushes, razors, and…




Adventures in Virginity: Seducing the Family Couch

It takes a special kind of lothario to seduce the family couch, and I was just such a libertine. It didn’t bother me that the couch was possibly the most malformed creation in the history of modern living. It looked like it had been crudely cobbled together from skinned and cannibalized furniture. My father likely…




Penthouse

Size Advantage: How Kelly Shibari Became the First Plus-size Penthouse Model

At 43, Kelly Shibari has become the first plus-size model featured in Penthouse Magazine. This was no accident, the result of superior genetics, nor a deliberate effort by the adult industry to promote a broader spectrum of beauty. This nontraditional performer earned such a prominent place in porn for one primary reason: Kelly Shibari is undeniable. In…




Adventures in Virginity: Rhetorical Masturbation

My dyslexia had a hand in my discovery of masturbation. I was studying in the garage at a folding table late one night, reading The Diary of Anne Frank and struggling to think up an original essay topic. My mind had a slow processing speed. In order to read or write, I needed an environment stripped…




The Perfect Stormy: On Set with Stormy Daniels

“Do you want to be in a scene with Asa Akira?” Stormy Daniels asked me on the set of her latest pair of feature films for Wicked: “Getting Cozy” and “Girls’ Night.” I’d been preparing for this moment my entire life with marathon masturbation sessions and endless hours of tweezing my man-bush into a camera-ready,…




My First Robot Blowjob: A Review of the Autoblow2

The Autoblow2 couldn’t have arrived at a better time. I had just received a “Dear John” text that opened with the line, “I’m in much need of some alone time…” Indeed, and I was in much need of some machine assisted masturbation time. I may or may not have been in the middle of a…




Adventures in Virginity: Dildos in the Closet

I was expelled from vacation bible school for refusing to believe that priests masturbate. Priests used their ordained hands to bless naked babies and dispense Christ crackers from the communion party bowl. No way were they also using their holy grubbies to flog the bishop and shake hands with the devil. My actual articulation of…




Adventures in Virginity: Exploring Masturbation with The Pink Panther

The Pink Panther was my first sex partner. Each night I slept with him mashed so tightly between my thighs that I permanently deformed his protruding nose (I’m sure there’s a children’s book story in there somewhere to rival The Velveteen Rabbit). Had my Pink Panther been magically brought to life a la Pinocchio, there’s a…