Category: Humor

Surviving Porn: on the set of Kay Brandt’s ‘Naked’

Lead-bellied clouds loom over the golden slopes of a mountain estate just outside of L.A. Dressed in all black, with red highlights shining through her long raven hair, multi XBIZ Award-winning Kay Brandt stands in stark contrast to the setting. Although she has been on location since dawn, her makeup looks so meticulous, that I…




How not to have a Threesome

Saturday, 2:45 a.m. I strolled into the lobby of the old St. James Hotel in downtown San Diego. Light from the crystal chandelier chased away the night as I tried to slip by the check-in desk. The concierge met me with a smile that was just as loaded as mine. He wanted to know what…




Adventures in Virginity: Building a Penis Pump for the Third Grade Science Fair

I had been in the garage for hours constructing a penis pump out of PVC pipe, duct tape, and miscellaneous medical supplies I had amassed from trips to the minor emergency. I was supposed to be brainstorming projects to build for the third grade science fair, but nothing had excited me quite like the prospect…




Adventures in Virginity: Raiders of the Lost Vagina

My brother and I loved playing with Barbies. Our formula for fun followed three simple steps. 1.) Undress Barbie. 2.) Rip off Barbie’s head. 3.) Position headless-naked-Barbie in compromising positions throughout her Dream House. When we were particularly motivated, or desperate for arcade money, we’d leave my sister a Polaroid of Barbie tied up along with…




Adventures in Virginity: The Mongoloid and Me

I hit my physical prime at age one. I was ridiculously cute. This is a historical fact backed up by thousands of eyewitness accounts. I could have had an illustrious career as a couture diaper model. My older brother, Mike, did not share my neonatal sex appeal. He had coke-bottle glasses and a huge mongoloid head….




Adventures in Virginity: Not with a Bang, but a Whimper

I marked the day I was scheduled to lose my virginity on the calendar—October 28, 2002. The square was annotated with a caricature of a mustachioed penis flexing his veiny biceps. I drew the doodle in June when I first used the date to defer Kim’s advances. I promised her that she could take my…




Kross-Eyed: On the Set of ‘Kayden Kross’ Winner’s Circle’

…The scenes Manuel Ferrara and Kayden Kross regularly shoot in this tastefully stark studio are stripped down. There are no makeup artists, sound guys, or lighting crews. The main light source is the sun pouring through the linens draped over the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. In contrast to feature pornos or vignettes, in gonzo scenes…




Adventures in Virginity: My Short Career as a Discount Stripper

My brother handed me the T-bag G-string he had picked out for me from the adult store, Dreamers. I turned it over, wondering how this thin, animal-print spandex could possibly contain my modest holdings. Mike and I took turns primping in the bathroom: lathering, shaving, and applying unwarranted amounts of lotion and cologne. Then we…




Adventures in Virginity: Bedding my Brother’s Girlfriend

My morning boner imposed itself on my brother’s girlfriend, Lindsay. A gallon jug of Carlo Rossi wine sat toppled on the carpet amid piles of scattered clothes. Our bodies lay mashed together in the crevice at the center of my twin mattress. Actually, the mattress was technically my brother’s before I confiscated it from my parent’s…




Beating Around the Bush: On Set with Abella Danger

…It’s easy to dismiss genres like trans, BBWs, or even pubic hair as weird or even unnatural. However, it’s precisely their divergence that defines them as normal. Humans are unique among other species not only in our ability to adapt to the unknown, but also in our desire to explore it. We thrive on diversity….