Category: Creative Nonfiction

AVN: Unscripting Hustler’s ‘Girl Toy’

…From my vantage point, I’m forced to construct their sex scene from the sound of their kissing and moaning. In some ways porn sex is quiet. The performers try to communicate their inner pleasure while the white noise of life—TVs and stereos and phones—is muted. I’m left with the image of one of Val’s feet,…




Surviving Porn: on the set of Kay Brandt’s ‘Naked’

Lead-bellied clouds loom over the golden slopes of a mountain estate just outside of L.A. Dressed in all black, with red highlights shining through her long raven hair, multi XBIZ Award-winning Kay Brandt stands in stark contrast to the setting. Although she has been on location since dawn, her makeup looks so meticulous, that I…




In Praise of Gratitude at the 2017 XRCO Awards

…Inevitably, this year’s list of winners would be buried beneath the names and fresh faces of stars to come. Trophies would collect dust and be relegated to attics on their inevitable journey to the trash heaps of history. These wins would become footnotes on Wikipedia pages that would eventually be deleted for lack of relevance….




How not to have a Threesome

Saturday, 2:45 a.m. I strolled into the lobby of the old St. James Hotel in downtown San Diego. Light from the crystal chandelier chased away the night as I tried to slip by the check-in desk. The concierge met me with a smile that was just as loaded as mine. He wanted to know what…




Through the Valley of the Shadow of Porn

Burn My Shadow opens in the back of a bukakke line, amid unanimous souls stripped down and wading through the scum of other men’s spilt fantasies. This is where “Tyler Knight” was born. Jobless and homeless, he spent his nights lost in mass transit, on buses and trains circling Los Angeles. Hitting the end of the line,…




Adventures in Virginity: Building a Penis Pump for the Third Grade Science Fair

I had been in the garage for hours constructing a penis pump out of PVC pipe, duct tape, and miscellaneous medical supplies I had amassed from trips to the minor emergency. I was supposed to be brainstorming projects to build for the third grade science fair, but nothing had excited me quite like the prospect…




Adventures in Virginity: Raiders of the Lost Vagina

My brother and I loved playing with Barbies. Our formula for fun followed three simple steps. 1.) Undress Barbie. 2.) Rip off Barbie’s head. 3.) Position headless-naked-Barbie in compromising positions throughout her Dream House. When we were particularly motivated, or desperate for arcade money, we’d leave my sister a Polaroid of Barbie tied up along with…




Adventures in Virginity: The Mongoloid and Me

I hit my physical prime at age one. I was ridiculously cute. This is a historical fact backed up by thousands of eyewitness accounts. I could have had an illustrious career as a couture diaper model. My older brother, Mike, did not share my neonatal sex appeal. He had coke-bottle glasses and a huge mongoloid head….




Adventures in Virginity: Not with a Bang, but a Whimper

I marked the day I was scheduled to lose my virginity on the calendar—October 28, 2002. The square was annotated with a caricature of a mustachioed penis flexing his veiny biceps. I drew the doodle in June when I first used the date to defer Kim’s advances. I promised her that she could take my…




Kross-Eyed: On the Set of ‘Kayden Kross’ Winner’s Circle’

…The scenes Manuel Ferrara and Kayden Kross regularly shoot in this tastefully stark studio are stripped down. There are no makeup artists, sound guys, or lighting crews. The main light source is the sun pouring through the linens draped over the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. In contrast to feature pornos or vignettes, in gonzo scenes…